Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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