i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
