Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
