on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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