A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
