I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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