hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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