So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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