also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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