Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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