She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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