Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
