two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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