i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
