there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I had to cum in my sink.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
