Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
