i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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