Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
