rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
