Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
