I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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