i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
