accomplished twins. life is a go
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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