my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
