Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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