Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
