apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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