Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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