so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
