Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
