I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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