go do what you do best...puke behind churches
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
