i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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