Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
