Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Congratulations! We have a period
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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