it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
