i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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