Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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