New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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