Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
