You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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