I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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