you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
