Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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