are you so shy because you have an std?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
