The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
