I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
