I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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