I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
