there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
