She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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